The first year after separation is the toughest, devastating, distressing, and most challenging period.
Part of the difficulty for most people is that you are required to face a very new reality. There are many decisions, firsts, and often conflicts all whilst you are figuring out who you are as a single person. This is all very overwhelming. You may feel as though you simply won’t survive it – but trust us, you will.
Depending on how your separation has come about, whether it be your decision or a decision that has been made for you, there are a magnitude of emotions that mourn your relationship – If that is how you are feeling, we have got you!
Here are our tips for surviving your first year of separation…
Spend time doing you!
When there is so much drama in your life, it can be so consuming that it takes up a lot of your time, thoughts, and conversations. It is essential to reboot, recharge and spend some time doing you! Write a list of things you love to do, and do them for yourself!
Join a community
Going through a divorce or separation can be a lonely process, some family and friends shy away from the drama and perhaps never return. Create a community around you, find some like-minded Facebook groups that you enjoy, it doesn’t have to be about separation, it might be a new hobby that fills your cup!
Let the sadness and grief flow.
When you go through this trauma, it is imperative to feel all the feels rather than cover them. Go and see a specialist or a counselor who can guide you through your emotions and help you as you move through unknown territory. If you don’t deal with your emotions, often the process can be delayed, and you find yourself bottled up with unfelt emotions later down the track.
Find a wise old owl…
It is an excellent idea to find someone wiser, older and has more experience in the breakup department than you. This person needs to be an empowering, positive mentor who can be there in your life for you. Reaching out for help is never a weakness, rather a strength. Open up and learn!
Be calm and cool
When dealing with confronting life changes, such as divorce or separation, it can be really easy to be reactive and lose your cool. Most things during the separation period aren’t urgent, but we have this sense of urgency that can often see us make regrettable decisions. You can be cool, you can be calm, and you can slow your responses down so that you have time to think…
Reconnect with friends!
You can’t do this alone. People aren’t going to judge you. Your vulnerability will strengthen relationships with your friends and communities! You can often feel embarrassed to tell people that perhaps you have been cheated on, or if it isn’t your first rodeo – however, the person who judges you most is you! Stick around those who uplift you.
Be kind to the most important person… you!
Be kind, gentle, and compassionate to yourself rather than your harshest critic! Why do we do that to ourselves?! Look at yourself like you would look at your loving friend, daughter, sister, mother, someone you love. How would you support them? So do the same for yourself!
This too shall pass, but the first twelve months will be tough! However, it is such a small time frame of your life journey that you can do this and become stronger for it!
To arrange a time to speak with Caralee or one of our fantastic lawyers at Collective Family Law Group, call us on 07 5574 0971 or book through the link below. Our initial consultations are entirely free of charge and obligations. This is a chance for you to know where you stand and your next steps forward.