Mediation for Parenting: What to Expect and How It Works

You and your ex-partner can’t agree on where the kids will live, or how holidays should be split, and the idea of taking it to court feels overwhelming.

Court is slow, expensive, and adversarial. A judge who has never met your children ends up deciding what happens to them, based only on what’s presented in a hearing. That’s a genuinely stressful prospect for most parents, and it’s not actually where most parenting disputes end up.

Mediation, known formally as family dispute resolution, gives you a faster, cheaper, and far less adversarial way to reach an agreement that works for your children, with you and your co-parent making the decisions rather than a stranger in a courtroom. This guide explains what mediation actually involves, what it costs, and what happens if it doesn’t lead to an agreement.

This article is general information, not legal advice. A family lawyer can advise you on how the law applies to your specific circumstances.

What Is Mediation in Family Law?

Mediation is simply a negotiation with the help of a neutral “middle person,” called a mediator. The mediator is there to help you and the other parent negotiate an outcome if you’re unable to agree on what’s in your children’s best interests.

Often, but not always, a mediator is an experienced lawyer. However, they’re not there to offer you legal advice. Their role is to help you and the other parent negotiate an outcome that genuinely reflects your child’s best interests, not to advocate for either parent.

Is Mediation Compulsory Before Going to Court?

Generally, yes. The Family Law Act provides that for parenting matters, you must attempt mediation, otherwise known as compulsory family dispute resolution, prior to filing an application in court. This requirement is set out in section 60I of the Family Law Act, and the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia enforces it as a genuine pre-filing requirement, not just a suggestion.

What Is a Section 60I Certificate?

If you attempt mediation and the other parent refuses to participate, or you’re unable to reach an agreement, the mediator will issue you a 60I certificate. This certificate allows you to make an application to the court to have your parenting matter heard and considered by a judge.

There are exemptions where you don’t need to obtain a 60I certificate first. These include:

• If your matter is urgent, such as seeking a Recovery Order
• If the court is satisfied there are reasonable grounds to believe there has been child abuse, or that the children are at risk
• If a party is unable to participate effectively in family dispute resolution, for example, due to an incapacity to do so, or physical remoteness from a provider
• If your application relates to an alleged contravention of an existing order made within the last twelve months

How Does the Mediation Process Actually Work?

Most family dispute resolution follows a similar structure, even though the exact format can vary between providers.

Intake sessions. Before any joint discussion happens, each parent typically has a private, confidential conversation with the mediator individually. This is where the mediator gathers information about your family, identifies any safety concerns, and checks whether mediation is even appropriate for your situation, since matters involving family violence may not proceed to joint mediation at all.

The mediation session itself. If mediation goes ahead, both parents participate in a structured discussion facilitated by the mediator. Depending on the provider and your circumstances, this might happen in the same room, in separate rooms with the mediator moving between you (sometimes called shuttle mediation), or online via video conference.

What gets discussed. Sessions typically work through practical, child-focused topics, and a good mediator will help you cover each of these systematically rather than letting the conversation jump around:

• Where the children will primarily live, and whether one parent will be the main residence
• The regular weekly schedule, including school nights, weekends, and any recurring activities like sport or extracurriculars
• How changeovers will be handled, including timing, location, and transport, and what happens if someone runs late
• What happens if one parent wants to relocate for work, family, or other reasons, and how that would affect time with the children
• Holidays, school breaks, and special occasions like birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day
• Education and medical decisions, including how disagreements about schooling or health will be resolved
• How the two of you will communicate going forward, and what’s expected of each parent in terms of updates and responsiveness

Everything discussed during mediation is confidential and cannot be used as evidence in any later court proceedings, so it’s a genuinely safe environment to negotiate honestly, without worrying that something said in the room will be used against you later.

What Happens If You Reach an Agreement?

If mediation is successful, the outcome is usually documented in one of two ways: a parenting plan, a written agreement that sets out your arrangements but isn’t legally enforceable, or consent orders, which formalise the same agreement as a legally binding court order, with real consequences if either parent later breaches it.

If you attend mediation and reach an agreement, you shouldn’t be pressured into signing orders or a parenting plan on the spot, though if you’re genuinely happy with what’s been agreed, it’s fine to do so there and then. If you felt any pressure during the session, it’s entirely acceptable to take a break, talk to your lawyer, or think about the proposed arrangement for a day or two before signing anything.

What Happens If Mediation Doesn’t Work?

Not every mediation results in an agreement, and that’s not a failure on your part. If the mediation is unsuccessful, the parties will be issued a 60I certificate, enabling you to take the next step and file in the Federal Circuit Court if required.

The 60I certificate stays valid for only twelve months. After that, it expires, and you’ll generally be required to attempt mediation again before filing in court. Even where mediation doesn’t result in a full agreement, it often narrows down exactly what you and the other parent actually disagree on, which can still make any later court process more efficient.

Mediation vs a Court-Decided Outcome

It’s worth understanding what you’re actually choosing between. In mediation, you and the other parent work collaboratively and make the decisions yourselves, since you know your children better than anyone else involved in the process. In a court hearing, by contrast, both sides effectively become adversaries, each trying to secure an outcome that favours their own position, and a judge, who has never met your children, ultimately decides based on what’s presented to them.

There’s also a practical difference in flexibility. A parenting plan reached through mediation can be updated later simply by both parents agreeing to the change. A court order, by contrast, generally requires a fresh application to the court to formally vary it if circumstances change, which can take considerably longer.

How Much Does Mediation Cost?

Costs vary considerably depending on the provider. Private family mediation in Australia commonly costs somewhere between $2,000 and $6,000 for a full process, though online and community-based options can be considerably more affordable, sometimes under half that, and mediation arranged directly through the court itself is free. Conciliation conferences dealing with financial matters can attract a separate court fee. It’s worth asking any provider upfront about their fee structure before committing, since costs can vary significantly between private practitioners and community-based services.

Tips for a Successful Mediation

At Collective Family Law Group, we always advise clients that if they’re invited to mediation, they should attend and attempt, in a meaningful way, to resolve the matter, since there’s genuinely nothing to lose and everything to gain by trying.

A few things tend to make mediation more successful:

• Prepare beforehand. Think through your child’s actual needs and routine, a realistic parenting schedule, holiday arrangements, and ways to support your child’s relationship with the other parent.
• Choose a skilled, accredited mediator. The quality of the mediator genuinely affects the outcome.
• Come ready to compromise. Both parents need to be prepared to give a little to reach a workable outcome.
• Participate wholeheartedly. Mediation works best when both parents engage properly rather than going through the motions.

If you receive an invitation to mediation regarding your parenting matter and refuse to attend without good reason, a judge may view your conduct unfavourably later. As family law solicitors, we’ve seen parents scolded by a judge for not attempting mediation when they were invited to do so.

When to Seek Legal Advice

You don’t need a lawyer present at mediation, but getting advice beforehand helps you understand what’s realistic, what the court would likely consider in your child’s best interests, and what to look out for in any proposed agreement. Our team can also help you formalise a successful mediation outcome through consent orders, or represent you if mediation doesn’t resolve things and your matter needs to go before a court.

Frequently Asked Questions